YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
