So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
