He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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