if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
