I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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