my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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