I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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