Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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