She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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