Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
