i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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