You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
