He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
