I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
