when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
