Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
