Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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