I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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