My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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