nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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