i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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