I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.