I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you