Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?