I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay