Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬