I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite