ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My pussy is not your playground.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
