for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
