and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
