Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
