Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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