Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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