I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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