you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
