Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
