Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
