So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
