Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
