Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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