i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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