Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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