Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
