just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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