So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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