I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
