Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We need to get me chipped asap
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
