so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
