I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I deserve this hangover.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
