I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
