yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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