im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
