"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
