you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
