You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
