About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
