I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
