Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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