I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize