3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think my tv is drunk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize