I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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