I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
