seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
