I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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