Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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