I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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