so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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