hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
