She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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