just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
