It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
