Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
