This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
