i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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