i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
