My nipple is on Facebook.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
