well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
