if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
