well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
